September is suicide awareness month and last week was suicide awareness and prevention week. I do not feel adequate enough to talk about such an important topic, but I would be remiss to ignore it. I hope that what I share here is not hurtful in any way but filled with love and hope. Although I have gratefully not lost a family member to suicide, it has been close.
My grandmother (pictured below in her high school graduation picture) survived the Great Depression and Dust Bowl. For those of you who are not familiar with the Dust Bowl, it is considered one of the greatest environmental disasters in American History. If you want to learn more about it click here for a book I highly recommend. The city she was born and raised in was one of the worst affected areas.
The topic of suicide is not a topic I have talked about much. I do not feel qualified to talk about such an important topic. I am by no means an expert. However, introspection has helped me see trends and patterns in both my life and the lives of my family. In the spirit of total honesty and vulnerability, suicide has been something that has crossed my mind a time or two in my life-especially as a youth. Self-harm has also been part of my life, though mostly subconsciously. There was only one instance in my life where I intentionally attempted self-harm. Thankfully, I walked away from that experience with only a bruise on my arm and a very sore elbow. However, I have always struggled with subconscious physical self-harm and verbal self-harm.
The physical part is hard to describe, but it's there. Just ask my wife. There are certain physical cues she could point out that indicate if I am stressed or anxious. They usually consist of pain-inducing actions mostly related to my hands. I have greatly improved with these over the last few years, but they still pop up. My verbal self-harm consisted of constant shaming and self-hating messages I would tell myself. Through therapy and the support of friends and family I have been able to overcome almost all of these. Most of them stemmed from-you guessed it-my sexual orientation and how it was viewed and talked about growing up.
If you are reading this blog and suicide and/or self-harm is something you are struggling with please seek help.
If you know of someone who may be struggling with suicide and/or self-harm help them. Don't wait for them to come to you!
If there is just one thing you take away from this post about suicide and self-harm, I want it to be this:
There is hope
You have so much to give to this world! You have so much to experience, so many people to love! If you think that your family and friends and this world would be better off without you, you are wrong!
We will not be better without you.
We will never be better without you.
We need you.
I don't care your sexual orientation, gender identity, beliefs, past, etc. You. Are. Loved.
God does not make mistakes. We are His children. He has an incredible plan for each of us. You are priceless, invaluable, eternally important, and infinitely loved by Him.
Satan is a LIAR. He hates you and wants to see you miserable and hopeless. He despises your very existence. There is NOTHING he won't do to try and destroy you. Do. Not. Believe. His. Lies.
I'd like to take a moment to talk to my fellow LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. All of you-members and non-members alike. We intimately know the pain and tragedy of suicide in our community. We have lost so many in our community to it.
For those struggling, please seek help. Please reach out. You are not alone. There are many who love you. If you'd like please reach out to me. I'm happy to give a listening ear any time. You can reach me at livinginthemix19 at gmail dot com. I have provided some suicide resources here for anyone wanting to learn more.
For the friends and family of those struggling with suicide please be willing to step in and help. Learn the signs and symptoms of those struggling. Show love to those you know who are or have struggled with thoughts of suicide. Listen to them. Sometimes all it takes is someone willing to sit and listen and acknowledge the pain and struggles they are going through. If someone comes to you and tells you they're struggling with thoughts of suicide, believe them, listen to them, show love and compassion, and get them help. If you know of or learn of someone who has attempted suicide don't judge them. Love them. Let them know that they belong. Be the friend they need.
For those who struggle with suicide because of your sexual orientation or gender identity and are doubting your place in God's plan and His Kingdom, know that you have a place. You belong. You are valuable and needed. You have a purpose. Please don't go.The Church and its members need you and your faith, testimony, and love. Us fellow LGBTQ+ Church members need you. I need you. LGBTQ+ people have an incredible capacity to love! We need that gift and leadership in the Church. There is no one better qualified to demonstrate the power of love than you.
For those who have lost loved ones to suicide, I am truly, deeply sorry for your loss. Your pain and sorrow is real. Nothing will be able to replace what you have lost. I understand the wound may not truly heal until you get to hold your loved one again.
What a beautiful thing the atonement of Jesus Christ is. It will dry all tears, heal the wounded, bring comfort to those who mourn, mend broken hearts and minds, raise the dead to incorruptible and immortal perfection, and reunite families. He repairs broken ties. He bridges the gap of death that separates loved ones. He descended below all things, thus enabling Him to overcome all things.
The loss of a loved one to suicide is painful, but it is not the end. There is hope in the Savior. I feel in my heart that all of those taken by this tragedy are welcomed and held in the arms of our Savior, and I know that we will one day see them again in perfect wholeness.
My grandmother (pictured below in her high school graduation picture) survived the Great Depression and Dust Bowl. For those of you who are not familiar with the Dust Bowl, it is considered one of the greatest environmental disasters in American History. If you want to learn more about it click here for a book I highly recommend. The city she was born and raised in was one of the worst affected areas.
She is also a survivor of child sex abuse. I bring this up for context, but will not share more in this blog post about that. That's for another time.
In her adult life she struggled with the ramifications of those traumatic experiences from her young life. She lived in a time and place where talking about such things was socially taboo. After years of struggle she found herself sitting in a camper by herself having a breakdown. She noticed the gas stove-top burners and thought to herself how easy it would be to turn them on, lie down to sleep, and never wake up. She seriously considered going through with it.
I am so grateful that she did not go through with that thought.
Instead, she chose to seek help and get therapy at a time when doing so was considered shameful. After many sessions of therapy my grandmother told her story and has since shared it with her posterity.
She broke the cycle of abuse and shame that had trapped her in what she called a prison of silence. She was the main influence in her, my grandfather, and their children (including my father) being introduced to the Church and converting to the gospel.
Tragically, her story is not how all of these stories turn out.
Suicide is real. It affects more people than we realize. It's ripple effects are felt for generations.
Major events can affect families for at least the next 3 generations. In that moment my grandmother had a choice: To keep living and seek help or to take her own life. I cannot imagine how different my life would be today had she made the latter of those two choices.
Suicide is a very common struggle and major topic of discussion for the LGBTQ+ community. Here are a few reasons why:
- Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24
- LGB youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost three times the rate of heterosexual youth
- LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth.
- 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25.
- LGB youth who come from high rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to their counterparts.
- Each episode of LGBT victimization, such as physical or verbal harassment or abuse, increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior by 2.5 times on average.
Some facts about the state of Utah where I live:
- More adults have thought about suicide or attempted suicide than anywhere else in the country.
- Utah ranks 5th in the nation for suicide deaths
- Every 16 hours a Utahn dies by suicide.
The topic of suicide is not a topic I have talked about much. I do not feel qualified to talk about such an important topic. I am by no means an expert. However, introspection has helped me see trends and patterns in both my life and the lives of my family. In the spirit of total honesty and vulnerability, suicide has been something that has crossed my mind a time or two in my life-especially as a youth. Self-harm has also been part of my life, though mostly subconsciously. There was only one instance in my life where I intentionally attempted self-harm. Thankfully, I walked away from that experience with only a bruise on my arm and a very sore elbow. However, I have always struggled with subconscious physical self-harm and verbal self-harm.
The physical part is hard to describe, but it's there. Just ask my wife. There are certain physical cues she could point out that indicate if I am stressed or anxious. They usually consist of pain-inducing actions mostly related to my hands. I have greatly improved with these over the last few years, but they still pop up. My verbal self-harm consisted of constant shaming and self-hating messages I would tell myself. Through therapy and the support of friends and family I have been able to overcome almost all of these. Most of them stemmed from-you guessed it-my sexual orientation and how it was viewed and talked about growing up.
If you are reading this blog and suicide and/or self-harm is something you are struggling with please seek help.
If you know of someone who may be struggling with suicide and/or self-harm help them. Don't wait for them to come to you!
If there is just one thing you take away from this post about suicide and self-harm, I want it to be this:
There is hope
You have so much to give to this world! You have so much to experience, so many people to love! If you think that your family and friends and this world would be better off without you, you are wrong!
We will not be better without you.
We will never be better without you.
We need you.
I don't care your sexual orientation, gender identity, beliefs, past, etc. You. Are. Loved.
God does not make mistakes. We are His children. He has an incredible plan for each of us. You are priceless, invaluable, eternally important, and infinitely loved by Him.
Satan is a LIAR. He hates you and wants to see you miserable and hopeless. He despises your very existence. There is NOTHING he won't do to try and destroy you. Do. Not. Believe. His. Lies.
I'd like to take a moment to talk to my fellow LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. All of you-members and non-members alike. We intimately know the pain and tragedy of suicide in our community. We have lost so many in our community to it.
For those struggling, please seek help. Please reach out. You are not alone. There are many who love you. If you'd like please reach out to me. I'm happy to give a listening ear any time. You can reach me at livinginthemix19 at gmail dot com. I have provided some suicide resources here for anyone wanting to learn more.
For the friends and family of those struggling with suicide please be willing to step in and help. Learn the signs and symptoms of those struggling. Show love to those you know who are or have struggled with thoughts of suicide. Listen to them. Sometimes all it takes is someone willing to sit and listen and acknowledge the pain and struggles they are going through. If someone comes to you and tells you they're struggling with thoughts of suicide, believe them, listen to them, show love and compassion, and get them help. If you know of or learn of someone who has attempted suicide don't judge them. Love them. Let them know that they belong. Be the friend they need.
For those who struggle with suicide because of your sexual orientation or gender identity and are doubting your place in God's plan and His Kingdom, know that you have a place. You belong. You are valuable and needed. You have a purpose. Please don't go.The Church and its members need you and your faith, testimony, and love. Us fellow LGBTQ+ Church members need you. I need you. LGBTQ+ people have an incredible capacity to love! We need that gift and leadership in the Church. There is no one better qualified to demonstrate the power of love than you.
For those who have lost loved ones to suicide, I am truly, deeply sorry for your loss. Your pain and sorrow is real. Nothing will be able to replace what you have lost. I understand the wound may not truly heal until you get to hold your loved one again.
What a beautiful thing the atonement of Jesus Christ is. It will dry all tears, heal the wounded, bring comfort to those who mourn, mend broken hearts and minds, raise the dead to incorruptible and immortal perfection, and reunite families. He repairs broken ties. He bridges the gap of death that separates loved ones. He descended below all things, thus enabling Him to overcome all things.
The loss of a loved one to suicide is painful, but it is not the end. There is hope in the Savior. I feel in my heart that all of those taken by this tragedy are welcomed and held in the arms of our Savior, and I know that we will one day see them again in perfect wholeness.
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